Choosing to separate from your spouse when you've been married for some time is never easy. Even if you're the person that's initiating the separation, there's going to be some heart taking grief involved.

Whether the decision comes off the years of trying to make things work or it comes up suddenly, it's an emotionally charged and often overwhelming time. What happens in this process and what happens next can shape your life for years to come. It's for this reason that moving forward with clarity and purpose is an absolute essential. Let's take a look at 10 things that you should be considering when you decide to separate.

1. Get some legal advice before you do anything else. Consult a family attorney to understand your rights and your obligations. A qualified legal professional can help you to navigate issues like property division, child custody, spousal support, and more. Even if the separation isn't an amicable one, it's vital to know how the law applies to your specific situation so that you can make better and more informed decisions from the start. 
2. Create a communication plan. The way that you and your partner or now ex partner communicate during separation will set the tone for what comes next. It determines whether the divorce is peaceful, a contentious court battle or a Co parenting relationship. Establishing clear boundaries and respectful communication is a must. And if talking directly becomes too emotional or hostile, consider a mediator. There are even communication apps designed for separated couples. Avoid making any major announcements on social media or involving friends and family in the dispute. This is a private matter and you should be considering how you treat each other through this.
3. Get your finances organised. Separation has huge financial implications, so take the time to gather and organise your financial documents. This can include your tax returns, bank statements, any investment accounts, credit card statements, mortgage documents and more. By knowing what you own and what you owe, you'll be able to make sure that your legal and financial advisors can guide you through the process. It also helps to ensure a fair division of assets and debts later on. 
4. Set up separate finances. If you and your partner have always had joint bank accounts or credit cards, now is the time to split those down. Deposit your income into your personal account and begin separating your day-to-day finances. But don't make any large withdrawals or transfer any joint assets without legal advice or help. It could be seen as suspicious or unfair, and you don't want that. Always be transparent in this part of the process and document your actions. You can then try to reach any agreements where possible to avoid unnecessary conflict or legal issues.
5. Create a temporary parenting plan. If you have kids, their well-being has to be your top priority. As soon as the separation begins, you need to figure out where the children will live, how much time they'll spend with each parent, and how decisions will be made about their care. This parenting plan doesn't have to be permanent, but it provides some stability and structure during a very difficult time. While you might be going through the heartbreak of separating, so are your children and you need to put them first.
6. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Separation is one of life's most stressful transitions. Feelings of anger, grief, guilt and fear are common, even when it's your idea or it feels like the right move. Prioritise yourself and your emotional support and speak with a therapist or a counsellor as you go along. Journaling, regular exercise, spending time with supportive friends and practicing meditation can help. Try not to isolate yourself or make any impulsive decisions because this time is emotionally charged as it is.
7. Think about where you'll live. Where you and your partner will live during separation can be one of the trickiest logistics to handle. Some couples stay in the same house temporarily for financial or parenting reasons, while others find it healthier to establish separate residences as soon as possible. If one of you plans to move out, try to come to an agreement about who stays and who goes. Keep in mind that leaving the family home doesn't necessarily mean giving up any legal claims to it, but you should still seek legal advice before you leave.
8. Think long term. Separation often leads to permanent divorce, but not always. Whether you're hoping for reconciliation or preparing to complete uncoupling, give yourself time to process and plan. Make an action list for the short term for the next three months in terms of your finances, living arrangements, and any legal consultations. From there, think about the long term goals such as what kind of Co parenting relationship you want.
9. Protect your personal privacy. When relationships end, digital boundaries become just as important as physical ones. Protect yourself by changing your passwords, reviewing shared subscriptions and cloud services, deactivating location sharing features, and creating new personal e-mail addresses. It's not about hiding things, but about establishing healthy independence and security where you may have interwoven your lives together before.
10. Stay focused on the bigger picture. It's very easy to get bogged down in Who said what and who did what when you're separating, but it's not always going to be that way. Try not to let your emotions drive your decisions and keep your eye on the future. The legal processes can take months or years, so be calm, organised and forward thinking. The goal here isn't to win, but to separate amicably and as peacefully as possible.

Separation is a huge life transition, but it also presents a chance to reset and grow. By taking the right steps, you can protect your interests and lay the groundwork for a more sustainable and healthier future.