Where do I begin? The past 48 hours have been insanely emotional and unexpected. I left my home over a week ago to come down to Texas with hopes of helping my sister with her natural home birth and getting to meet my new niece. While my sister's not gone into labor yet, so many things have transpired that have tested my faith and perserverance.
I got here and learned that my cousin's inlaws had been in a horrible accident in Florida. The mother died just a few days later. I was (and still am) heartbroken for all of them. My cousin and his wife are expecting their first baby (a girl) in September and now that little girl will never meet her maternal grandmother. I cannot. EVEN. IMAGINE.
Then, another cousin of mine bid farewell to her husband just this past weekend as he reported for duty overseas in Afghanistan. He'll be there for at least 9 months. As if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, we went to lunch with their two young sons on Sunday and one of them (who's just 6) just all of a sudden looked at my sister and said "My daddy left." He then began to weep and lay his head in his hands and somehow walked around the table over to his mom (my cousin) to be comforted. I wept inside.
I have three sons. I can't imagine them being able to comprehend their daddy just up and leaving for almost an entire year. I, as an adult, can't even comprehend it. How on earth can they be expected to?
And then on Sunday my father decided to pay a visit to the emergency room to try and find out what this abdominal pain he's been suffering with is all about. I met him there shortly after they took him back and after a few hours (and lots of poking and prodding) it was determined that he needed to stay for observation because of something they needed to monitor. We were all completely taken by surprise.
He was told that he'd likely be released tomorrow (which meant Monday), yet Monday has come and gone and he has stayed another night. Apparently, they have discovered some kind of fluid in his lung and were able to extract about 1 liter of it by going in with a needle. My dad was in SO much pain after that procedure that he could barely move. They are monitoring him right now and plan on giving him a stress test on Tuesday morning. He is a cardiac patient so they have to be extra careful when diagnosing his symptoms. I am happy they would rather be safe than sorry but my heart aches for my dad. He is stressed, worried, and somewhat frail after all of this. And I know it's not the turn he ever expected it would take.
This whole ordeal with my dad is taking its toll on my sister, too, who's due offically on Saturday but realistically could go any day now. I know she doesn't want to go into labor with my dad in the hospital receiving treatment but whatever happens, we just have to deal with. Still, though…all of this on top of the fact that I already miss my family so terribly much is just sometimes unbearable.
Tonight on the way back to my mom's house from the hospital, I called hubs and just needed to vent. There I was, on the freeway, crying my eyeballs out at all the stress of what's happened in the short time I've been here. I know that I can't control the events of life or what is going to happen but I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed. I want this to be a happy time! I need this to be a happy time. My family just so needs your prayers, well wishes, positive thoughts — whatever you want to call it. Please. I would be so grateful.
My sister and I are the ones who are there for my dad right now. He doesn't have anyone else, really. Oh, yes we do have 2 brothers, but let me tell you…they suck!! They suck ASS! I am sorry, but I just can't contain myself anymore. I am the oldest of the four of us and if/when I see them in person during my trip here, they will be told IN PERSON that I think they suck ass! Why, you ask? They were too "busy" all weekend long not only come and SEE my dad, but to even CALL him! I know he may not be the most perfect person around and that yes, at times, he is a little annoying and doesn't really take care of his health, but nonetheless, he is OUR DAD! Seriously! I do not know what planet my brothers are from but they are lame. And I don't care if they read this – I stand by what I say. One of my brothers called me late Sunday night to "see what Dad's status is" and then proceeded to tell me that he couldn't get to the hospital that day because he was at his friend's house having a barbecue — something that is a "ritual" every Sunday so he was just not able to get away. Yep, ass sucker.
My other brother is just as bad.
I'm so emotionally and physically spent right now. Today I saw my dad in so much pain and it was hard. Damn hard. I have my own kids to think about and my own issues to stress about but nothing means anything without family. This, I know.
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